Funny Quotes by Authors, Actors, & Comics

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"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it
by leaving early."
-Charles Lamb

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
-Groucho Marx

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know
where to go shopping."
-Bo Derek

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
-Jim Carrey

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a
cat and drop it?"
-Steven Wright

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-George Burns

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
-Sue Murphy

"In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear."
-John C. Dvorak

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